I am Blessed

It’s a Saturday morning. I am alive. I am breathing.

I am blessed.

I have a great job.

I am blessed.

My kids are all healthy and happy.

I am blessed.

My wife is my heart. She is amazing. She lives her vows.

I am blessed.

My combined family is huge. It’s wonderful and tradition runs deep.

I am blessed.

My car works. It isn’t pretty but it works.

I am blessed.

I have friends that reach out. Friends I can count on.

I am blessed.

I have shed oceans of tears.

I am blessed.

Some family and some friends have been laid to rest.

I am blessed.

I have new nieces and nephews.

I am blessed.

I have faced many demons.

I am blessed.

I have spent far too much time incarcerated.

I am blessed.

I have lost it all. Had to start fresh.

I am blessed.

It’s a winter wonderland outside.

I am blessed.

Some people will always judge me by my past.

I am blessed.

I have a Thorn

I am blessed.

I have a tendency to self destruct over grief with cookies and Budweiser.

I am blessed.

We live pay check to pay check.

I am blessed.

Some friends have become enemies.

I am blessed.

God has challenged me to rise above on a continuous basis.

I am blessed.

Old friends have reemerged.

I am blessed.

I have felt my world crumble. Seen my foundation crack.

I am blessed.

My spirit has been wounded. Knives have been embedded into my back.

I am blessed.

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I woke today knowing that my history is my history. No one will live the same life, but we all face similar demons.

Those things that replay and keep us negative can always be turned into a positive.

The postive is always easy to come up with: the easiest to say out loud.

I challenge you to seek the blessing in the darkest most painful areas of your life.

God is waiting to show you something.

Our greatest potential for growth is when we feel beaten, bruised, sad, and close to giving up completely.

Bless your devils and they tend to flee.

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Soon to be Daughter

Not too long ago I met a girl.

She is young, beautiful, and wonderful. 
Her blue eyes go deep.  She wears her heart on her sleeve. 

Within this young woman is divine radiance.  God used exactly the right ingredients.

She is quick witted and smart.  Even at a young age she makes wise decisions with her heart.

Unfortunately over time pain has reached her soul.  She strives to be happy but feels again she’ll end up alone.  Left out in the cold.

She’s been separated from her brothers and moved back and forth.  Lived too long under a dark force. 

Her extended family has been there.  Her exquisite mother has done whatever she can.  Still though she saw too much war.

Her self-esteem has taken shots, her heart severely wounded, and fear weighs down her spirit.

She is tough.  She always wears her brave face and doesn’t back down.  But, it’s the wounds she covers that I refuse to allow to continue to bring her down.

She is Natalie.  She is my step-daughter.  And she has my heart.


I will not leave.  I will not abandon.  I will not wound.  

One man ran and one just treated her less than while she watched him abuse her mother.  It was devastating. 

———–

Natalie,  

I will not run.  I will not leave you.  

Your success in life is my priority.  

You will see me love your mother correctly.  You will not see me abuse her.

My hands will never strike you.  I will not mock or humiliate you.

I love you.

Having you in my life has brought me into a realm of Being beyond myself. 

The way my spirit wants to protect yours surprises me but emboldens me.

All those boys.  They all have my heart. 

You though, you have been placed as my daughter on my heart in a profoundly different way.

It’s just different.  I raise the boys to protect and care for themselves as growing men.  You, I want to raise you in a way that consistently shows you I will protect you.

Thank you for choosing to accept me.  Thank you for giving me a shot.  

I cannot promise perfection.  I cannot promise all the fancy things.  But, I do promise to never see you as less than.  I promise to love you with the fatherly love you deserve. 

I will inspire you.  I will encourage you.  I will be a rock for you.  I will do my best to help you whenever you ask.

I will support you.  I will protect you.  I will face your fears with you.

You are worthy of a dad.  You are worthy of his affection.  You are worthy of love.

I desire to be that man.

It may be over a year before my name is added to your birth certificate.  The process is long.  But, today, right now, I see you as my daughter. 

I am blessed to know you.  I am blessed to be able to love you.  And, I am blessed you are giving me one thing I have always wanted. 

A daughter. 

I Have An Angel

I woke up such a blessed man today.  
Opening my eyes to such a beautiful woman keeps me grateful.   I don’t deserve her.  

She’s proof of God’s grace in my life.

Radiant luminous light shines from within her.  Her skin glows with life.  It’s hard for me to believe I have her heart at times.

I’m a dork.  I’m not sitting on riches.  Average looking ginger.  Failed a billion times.  A few years in prison.  Still climbing out of the hole I dug.

Yet, she still chose me.

I had written her off.  I remember doing it.  Deciding to give up on any shot with her back then.  No way I would ever have a real chance.  God had other plans.  

She found me.

Today she carries our baby boy.  She will say she is fat.  I say she is absolutely breath taking.

Set the science aside.  Growing a baby is a miracle.  It’s absurd.  It’s awesome.

Her heart is strong.  She gives off a strength I have never seen even when tears are produced. 

Through our union I have experienced real Heaven.  Not some place, “out there.”  Heaven is here.  It is Now.  

I feel God took her wings for later use and sent her to me.  

It has always been easy for me to write, but when I attempt to describe my love for her I freeze up.  There are just not words in English that do it justice. 

There’s pragma with agape, eros, philia, and ludus throughout.  

It’s exquisite chaos.   

My wife is amazing.  

I’ve walked along Niagara.   I’ve stood on mountain tops.  I’ve seen the sun set over the Pacific.  There’s nights I saw the northern lights with shooting stars.  None of these sights compare to the dazzling angelic beauty of my wife.

Her soul is divine. 

She is who I give my life to.